I am so tired of feeling this way. I feel like I am spiraling out of control, my thoughts are dark and painful to think and I can't stand it anymore. I have a date set for my SSI hearing and I am eagerly awaiting for it to happen but at the same time I am so scared that when it comes it will not be the outcome that I need. Also, if I am turned down by the judge, what am I to do? I can't get a normal job. Not with this CPS thing being held against me over my head and the fact that I haven't worked in the last two years. No one is going to want to hire me, especially since I can't pass a background check and being labeled as a Child Neglector. I DEFINATELY can't get a job that I am trained in because of this. In some aspects my life is ruined and for some reason I can't just come to grips with the whole thing.
I go to my appointments, I see my therapist like I am supposed to, I do everything that I am supposed to do, but nothing is helping. I talked to my therapist to get her to adjust my meds and even that isn't helping. I just wish I could... Blow away in the wind like dust so no one with be bothered by me anymore.....
I am so sorry hun, I wish I could alleviate some of your pain =( I too have been feeling kind of helpless and sad. I don't have answers for you, but I WILL keep you in my prayers. I was just wondering a minute ago...is there ANY way that you can contest your "record" and have that taken off? There's GOT to be a way, some way, some how. =( Hugs!!
ReplyDeletei cant say i know fully how you feel. but i know how it feels with the helplessness it truly sucks. you know i still think it's messed up and stupid that cps labeled you that i know your a great mom and your kids are your life. all i know is that i will keep you in my prayers as your date gets closer because i know that things are hard with everything.
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