Monday, January 3, 2011


I am so tired of feeling this way.  I feel like I am spiraling out of control, my thoughts are dark and painful to think and I can't stand it anymore.  I have a date set for my SSI hearing and I am eagerly awaiting for it to happen but at the same time I am so scared that when it comes it will not be the outcome that I need.  Also, if I am turned down by the judge, what am I to do?  I can't get a normal job.  Not with this CPS thing being held against me over my head and the fact that I haven't worked in the last two years.  No one is going to want to hire me, especially since I can't pass a background check and being labeled as a Child Neglector.  I DEFINATELY can't get a job that I am trained in because of this.  In some aspects my life is ruined and for some reason I can't just come to grips with the whole thing.

I go to my appointments, I see my therapist like I am supposed to, I do everything that I am supposed to do, but nothing is helping.  I talked to my therapist to get her to adjust my meds and even that isn't helping.  I just wish I could...  Blow away in the wind like dust so no one with be bothered by me anymore.....


  1. I am so sorry hun, I wish I could alleviate some of your pain =( I too have been feeling kind of helpless and sad. I don't have answers for you, but I WILL keep you in my prayers. I was just wondering a minute there ANY way that you can contest your "record" and have that taken off? There's GOT to be a way, some way, some how. =( Hugs!!

  2. i cant say i know fully how you feel. but i know how it feels with the helplessness it truly sucks. you know i still think it's messed up and stupid that cps labeled you that i know your a great mom and your kids are your life. all i know is that i will keep you in my prayers as your date gets closer because i know that things are hard with everything.